the busy heart

Henrietta, in a field by my parents' house, doing her funny little slumped-shouldered, overwhelmed run.  Last night, as Sam and I put Henrietta to bed, I noticed a pair of silky, light-purple pajama pants on Henrietta's floor. They were handmedowns from cousins, which I had sorted out of her dresser the other day because the elastic waist was shot, and I thought, picking them up to find a place for them, "I should just throw these out." And my next thought, sponsored by the mean, Pinterest-saturated voice in my head was, "Throw them out?! Are you kidding me? How shamefully wasteful. You really ought to turn them into a pretty little purse for her. Yes, yes, that's it, sew the fabric into a pretty little purse. She'll love it forever. You say you don't have time? Absurd. Sewing them into a purse is really the proper use of resources and time. Just make time for it. It's important. You have to. It won't take long. If you care at all about ...

Photo Source.   (We didn't take a single photo. It seemed like taking a picture of a holy moment, or a car accident. So here is a blue jay who is not ours, but is also lovely.) We recently watched our neighbors--a nice retired couple with chickens and a gorgeous garden--build an elaborate net structure around their bushes to keep birds and squirrels out. It was like a room for their blueberries, made of net. Since then I've seen birds fly into it, glancing off one way or another as the netting pushed back.  But last evening, as Henrietta and I hung out in the backyard while Sam finished dinner, I realized the bird by the blueberries didn't fly away, though he tried. And then I realized he was somehow inside the structure, flying against it from the inside again and again, getting more frantic each time.  "Birdie stuck?" Henrietta asked.  "Birdie stuck," I said. "Let's go tell Hank and Linda." I carried her on my hip an...

[First I want to say that I was overwhelmed by your kind responses to my last post. Really, thank you so much for your kindness. That meant the world to me. I continue to feel better, though it's not a straight trajectory by any means. As one of my teachers used to say, We live in hope.] Sam with the Artist Henrietta has taken up painting. And coloring. And, just, making things in general. This is exciting, since I've basically been waiting for it since she was born. At three months, I helped her make her first work of art for her dad for Father's Day, but I confess it made her cry. And ever since I've been waiting, waiting, watching other kids her age get into it and trying not to compare. But I totally compared; let's be honest. And she was much more interested in putting the crayons in and out of the box than actually using them, and this made me feel a little panicky. Painting is An Energetic Dance So when she suddenly started saying, "Paint!...