Sunday, January 31, 2010

Back in the Public

Hello, friends. I've unprivatized, which I think will help me feel more like posting. I've been, as you've seen, relatively postless lately. Don't know what the deal is. I haven't really been commenting on ya'll's blogs either, but I'm working on that. Since it's been hovering around 6 degrees (!) lately in Boston, I've been eating my lunch at my desk and bopping around the Internet for an hour. It's pleasant, but I really can't wait until I can bring my lunch over to the Public Garden and watch the swan boats.

Yes, I am already dreaming of spring, longing for it with all my heart, remembering what it feels like to have a sunny, lovely day. I can just barely recall. I can recall just enough to miss it viscerally.

Anyway, pneumonia's mostly left me, although a cough lingers, and this afternoon, when I meant to just read for a moment, a nap took me its clutches and I slept for two hours. Whoops. I'm exhausted still, is what I'm saying.

But other than that, things are good. Sam sold a story for 400 bucks to The Threepenny Review, so that was a highlight of the week. And I'm still just completely smitten with this job. Head over heels for it. Loving it. I'm sure the honeymoon phase will end at some point, but for now, wow. I didn't know I could enjoy work so much. I even like the schedule, as it forces me to make routines and stick to them--something I always struggled with when teaching.

I've even begun to think that what happened to me last semester--all of that ugliness--could have been the best scenario, divine intervention. I would have never thought of trying for a job like this, but it feels like what I've always wanted to do.

And so I keep thinking about faith, how I wish I had more of it, and wondering if I had had more of it, if I would have freaked out less then. I mean, I knew sort of intellectually that God would take care of me, because He's good at it and always has, but I didn't really BELIEVE He could make it better, make me look back on all that horribleness and be grateful for it. How does He do that? And, more importantly, why can't I remember He will? Sigh. I continue to work on it. I long for a faith that I can climb into a like a sailboat.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Annnnndddd ...

the raging cold turned into pneumonia.


It was a nice two days working, anyway. It was terrifying to call in sick on day three.

Hopefully, one more day and home and I'll be ready to get back in there.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

On the Morning of Day Two

Day one of work was pretty wonderful. I mean, not anything too exciting yet, mostly filling out forms and such. But I was surprised by how much I loved sitting at my desk, writing emails to my editorial assistant, trying out my new lingo, etc.

When I came out of the building to go home, it was dark out, and I had wondered if that would bum me out, but I giggled a little, because the whole city was there in front of me, and it was incredibly beautiful,as Boston tends to be. The trees were lit up with little bright lights and all these young professionals were walking to the train and there was a beautiful window display of trendy home furnishings, and I felt like I was living the dream.

Okay, so then I fell when I was crossing the street. But even that was sort of cool because this kid (read--kid the age of my former students) stopped in front of me so that I wouldn't get hit by a car, and as humiliating as that was, what he did seemed so kind, and made me feel like we were in this thing together--this train taking, this working thing. And we'd all agreed to take care of each other.

Back to job. Overall, it just feels better there. As much as I loved teaching, I have a lot to say about why I suspect this corporate environment has advantages, why I think it might be smarter and certainly less petty, but I'll save that. For now, it just seems like a miracle that they want me to ask questions, even stupid ones, and they want me to be innovative and tell them candidly what I think. This seems unprecedented for my working life thus far.

Only troubles: I have a raging cold which I can't stay home and nurse, and I dreamed I was working all night, so it feels like I've had no time off. At one point during the night, I think I was just barely awake enough to hear myself emit this thin snore, and at that point in my dream, the job had morphed into a waitress/food prep sort of job, and my snores were very thin slices of bread, and someone was telling me I had to fold the slices up very thick so I could make the bread pudding.

And now I must be off. I hope Sam sings that song, "My baby takes the morning train ..." as he's been singing to me lately. I like that song.