Hello, friends. I've unprivatized, which I think will help me feel more like posting. I've been, as you've seen, relatively postless lately. Don't know what the deal is. I haven't really been commenting on ya'll's blogs either, but I'm working on that. Since it's been hovering around 6 degrees (!) lately in Boston, I've been eating my lunch at my desk and bopping around the Internet for an hour. It's pleasant, but I really can't wait until I can bring my lunch over to the Public Garden and watch the swan boats.
Yes, I am already dreaming of spring, longing for it with all my heart, remembering what it feels like to have a sunny, lovely day. I can just barely recall. I can recall just enough to miss it viscerally.
Anyway, pneumonia's mostly left me, although a cough lingers, and this afternoon, when I meant to just read for a moment, a nap took me its clutches and I slept for two hours. Whoops. I'm exhausted still, is what I'm saying.
But other than that, things are good. Sam sold a story for 400 bucks to The Threepenny Review, so that was a highlight of the week. And I'm still just completely smitten with this job. Head over heels for it. Loving it. I'm sure the honeymoon phase will end at some point, but for now, wow. I didn't know I could enjoy work so much. I even like the schedule, as it forces me to make routines and stick to them--something I always struggled with when teaching.
I've even begun to think that what happened to me last semester--all of that ugliness--could have been the best scenario, divine intervention. I would have never thought of trying for a job like this, but it feels like what I've always wanted to do.
And so I keep thinking about faith, how I wish I had more of it, and wondering if I had had more of it, if I would have freaked out less then. I mean, I knew sort of intellectually that God would take care of me, because He's good at it and always has, but I didn't really BELIEVE He could make it better, make me look back on all that horribleness and be grateful for it. How does He do that? And, more importantly, why can't I remember He will? Sigh. I continue to work on it. I long for a faith that I can climb into a like a sailboat.