Went to get my name changed at the Social Security office, which was a very odd feeling. Yes, little lady, please officially make my name Deja Anne Ruddick. Doesn't Jane Eyre say something both beautiful and heartbreaking about becoming Mrs. Rochester? Yeah, it was like that.
More importantly, on the way to the office, I rocked out to this CD that one of Sam's old girlfriends made in like the mid-nineties. Yes, that was weird.
But as it turns out, this gal and I have similar tastes in music. Especially this little number, by Jay-Z. Just listen for a moment. It'll make you happy. H to the izzo, V to izza. I don't know what that means. But I do know what he means when he says, "That's the anthem; throw your damn hands up." I like that part. Why didn't anyone tell me this is the best song in the world?
Also, went to the doc's yesterday and learned I've gained a very impressive FIFTEEN pounds in the last month or so. Thank you, anti-depressents. Thank you, birth control. Thank you, countless fancy-pants dinners and room service breakfasts, and the giant creamy-goodness-filled "lobster tail" we got at Mike's Pastries in the North End.
Yesterday was sobby day, mourning the re-appearance of my big-fat self. But today I feel tough, powerful, like I can hit that gym again. Like I'm totally over the eating of ginormous chocolate chip cookies whenever I feel a little gloomy or happy or itchy on my foot or whatever excuse I fabricate for the eating of cookies.
Vegetables and grains and legumes (what are legumes? beans?), here I come!
Also, don't let me watch scary movies any more. We watched one last night, and at 2 a.m., I dreamed there was a big scary man looming over Sam, threatening to hurt him. I screamed, kicked Sam in the side repeatedly, and started weeping profusely. Poor husband was baffled. I had to keep waking him up so he could rub my shoulder so I could think happy thoughts for an hour before I could get back to sleep: kayaking with my friend Chris on Utah lake, lying with my sisters and mom under the trees on a camping trip, reading a book on sunny Sunday mornings at my parents' house, running with my sisters, driving with Sam to a bookstore in Jackson, Mississippi, sitting on the couch with Sam and kitties when it's raining out, etc. Happy vibes.
Have to go buy a car now. Woo-hoo! Mrs. Ruddick gets a new (old) car!