Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Peep

It's been awhile, yes. Does anyone else get afraid of their blog sometimes? Feel exposed/vulnerable? Maybe it was all the sadness I had inside me. It's hard to write something when all I really, really had to say was, "Wow, I'm so sad." And. "Wow, I'm still so sad."

I don't feel sad now. I don't know if it's the warmer weather, the longer hours of daylight, having a week off school, the 2500 we're getting back for taxes, or what. But I suddenly have energy and interest and even, gasp, joy. Thank goodness. I pray and pray that it sticks to my ribs.

Went to a Relief Society activity, a birthday celebration. It was actually quite lovely and I ate strawberries and grapes and talked to people. I remembered that talking to people, like teaching, is so much about asking good questions, getting other people to talk, listening. I've been scared of engaging in real conversation because I'm so fragile lately and I don't want to have to peel back these layers that protect me. But I remembered tonight that I don't have to if I don't want to. I remembered that making friends and connecting with people is about making THEM feel important, believing that they are worth listening to and letting them feel that from you.

There's this woman in the ward who is so good at this. When she asks me how I'm doing, I can FEEL that she actually wants to know. I don't know how she manages to convey that, but she does. And every time I talk to her, I feel like I'll burst into tears; I'm so relived that someone cares. I must observe her, take notes. I want to be like that.

11 comments:

Sam Ruddick said...

how are you?

Mike and Emily said...

I'm so glad you're back! Way to go to RS activities...I'm still building up to that.

Kira said...

I told Mom last night that I have a touch of post partum depression. So bad that I am looking FORWARD to the RS birthday party. MOM then even commented that she was CONSIDERING (although I tried to pin her down later and she was non-commital) going to her RS birthday party. I will try to remember the asking about them thing tommorow night.
P.S. Tax time is joy time.

belann said...

I'm praying it will stick to your ribs this time too. I am happy when you are happy.

Amara said...

We did our R.S. party tonight, and even though I'm released they had me do all the table and the salad so I HAD to go. It was so fun. You're right Deja, it's about making people around you happy. I just kept wanting the lady next to me to feel happy, and kept the conversation turned around for her, and I had a GREAT time.

Garret said...

Hey Deja, good to hear about you and Sam being happy & in love. Cherish every moment.
girlie

kathy said...

You ARE like that. I feel like you're genuinely interested in what your friends in far-off places are doing and who they are. Why else do you think I look up to you so darn much?

David and Melanie said...

Hope you're having a happy 1st day of spring!

Gavin & Erin said...

Erin is good at doing that. She always makes me feel important and is a natural with talking to other people and being sincerely interested in them. I think she gets some of that from her dad, he does the same thing.

Bryson & Tara said...

I agree with Kathy, Deja. You're a very real, genuine person to talk to. So, thank YOU!

Vegan Mothering said...

I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Springtime brings on a feeling of hope, joy? a new beginning for sure. As always, love your willingness to share and be honest. We all love and adore you Deja.