It's been awhile, yes. Does anyone else get afraid of their blog sometimes? Feel exposed/vulnerable? Maybe it was all the sadness I had inside me. It's hard to write something when all I really, really had to say was, "Wow, I'm so sad." And. "Wow, I'm still so sad."
I don't feel sad now. I don't know if it's the warmer weather, the longer hours of daylight, having a week off school, the 2500 we're getting back for taxes, or what. But I suddenly have energy and interest and even, gasp, joy. Thank goodness. I pray and pray that it sticks to my ribs.
Went to a Relief Society activity, a birthday celebration. It was actually quite lovely and I ate strawberries and grapes and talked to people. I remembered that talking to people, like teaching, is so much about asking good questions, getting other people to talk, listening. I've been scared of engaging in real conversation because I'm so fragile lately and I don't want to have to peel back these layers that protect me. But I remembered tonight that I don't have to if I don't want to. I remembered that making friends and connecting with people is about making THEM feel important, believing that they are worth listening to and letting them feel that from you.
There's this woman in the ward who is so good at this. When she asks me how I'm doing, I can FEEL that she actually wants to know. I don't know how she manages to convey that, but she does. And every time I talk to her, I feel like I'll burst into tears; I'm so relived that someone cares. I must observe her, take notes. I want to be like that.