Our first guest post is from Eden. I think you'll love Eden. I do.
For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. A wife and a mom, but mostly a mom. I'm 31 years old and single. The only dating relationship I've had in my life lasted for a month and ended 11 days before I turned 29 because I like dogs. Not lying. His words. Yeesh.
It took me a long time to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Because I had already decided (a mom, remember?). Sadly, that particular occupation is not entirely in my control. I finally decided on public health and I'm working at the state health department as the director of Safe Kids.
The more I hear from working moms, the greater my desire is to be at home with kids. Not just any kids, my kids. I hear from co-workers about how their children are struggling in school, in their personal life, etc. and how when they get home they don't have time to help with this, that, or the other because they're exhausted and they have to get dinner on the table. My heart breaks a little more when I hear things like that. I would love to have to be home with my kids. I want to be the one responsible for teaching them values, how to be a friend, how to care for people, how to love others, etc. I don't want anyone else to take that away from me --most especially me.
I guess you could say I'm a frustrated professional. I don't want to be here. I figured out when I was deciding on a Masters degree that regardless of what I chose, my choice would be second (at best) to what I really want.
I'm learning to accept my childless lot in life. But even saying that makes my eyes burn with tears. I want to be a mother so incredibly much that my heart literally aches when I think that there's a very real possibility that it won't happen in this life. I try to remember that I believe in eternity and eternal progression and that a blessing not received in this life can be received in the next. Thank goodness for that.
I don't want it to be thought that I've glorified motherhood into this vision of running through fields of daisies with my kid's hand clutched in mine and butterflies and rainbows surrounding us. I know it's hard work. I know it's harder work than I'm doing right now. I have three incredible sisters and two incredible sisters-in-law, and many incredible friends who give me a glimpse of what motherhood is like (and share a small part of it with me when they trust me to watch over their little ones). And I know it's work. But it's the one job in this world that I would give anything to have.