Tuesday, February 5, 2013

On Blogging: What I'm Doing Here

I've been posting on this blog for five years. Sporadically, mostly. Sometimes very sporadically. But somehow I always come back to it. And at several points since I've had this blog, I've felt inclined (or prompted?) to take it more seriously, to post more, to try to do something with it. But let me tell you, there are a lot of ways to talk myself out of doing that. I'd try, but then I'd get too busy, or I'd post something and get zero comments, or I'd post something and actually get comments (which was almost more terrifying, somehow?), or I'd think I had nothing to say, or I'd worry that what I had to say was something I was not supposed to say, on and on, you get the point.

Recently, I had that feeling again, and I was talking to my sister about it, and she said I ought to just do it. I'd been turning the idea over and over in my head for weeks, thinking really hard about it while I did other things, asking myself the hard blogger questions: it's too self-absorbed, right? It's not really a worthy writerly form, right? What if, in some bizarre twist, it actually takes off, and then someone says something so mean that I never want to post a post or leave my house again?

I told my sister, "I'll try." And she said, "Don't try. Do it."

So I'm doing it. And trying to think less. I'll tell you up front that I don't have a goal to post every day, because goals tend to make me, well, not do a thing. But I've been showing up just about every day, so you can expect me to continue to do so. I tried just doing three times a week, and felt like I lost momentum.

I don't know why I'm here, exactly. I mean, I know it's helping me. I feel like it's resuscitating me, post by post, from some long creativity sleep. But beyond that, beyond the fact that I'm enjoying myself, I don't know what I'm trying to do. And I think that's okay.

I mean, I'm enjoying myself, and also feeling very vulnerable most of the time. It's frightening to get on here and post what I really think. And sometimes I post something and walk around for the rest of the day feeling like a fish flopping around on a dock, if you get my meaning. And I think, wait, why am I doing this? I don't have to keep a public journal. No one is begging me to. But I feel like I'm supposed to. So I do it again.

And I guess I'm asking if you'll help. If you'll comment when you like what you're reading. (And I'm the Queen Lurker, so I perhaps don't have a right to ask ....) I've been loving your comments, and trying to respond more to them. Maybe you'll follow me, or add me to your reader? Maybe you'll share posts you enjoy, or tell someone you know who might like reading? I don't really have an agenda here, except that if I'm going to do this, having an audience feels really great.

14 comments:

heather said...

This is me begging you to keep going. I'm a terrible friend in that I feel almost more connected to people through their writing (and their comments on my own) than in speaking face to face. But it allows me to keep connected to people I value and to the wonderful ideas of theirs that I value.
It is always a boon to have someone explain exactly how I felt about a thing in exactly the right words, and you have that gift.
Thank you and keep it up! I'll go back and find something to share on my facebook.

jes said...

i'm here! i'm reading! i'm trying to be better about saying, yes, that means something to me too. don't stop. if you don't stop, maybe i won't either.

Launie said...

I love reading your posts. Keep up the good work. And more baby pics please.....
luv, your cuz

Jamie said...

I typed out a long insightful comment, like I did on your post about Henrietta's name, but I did it on my iPad, and the internet ate my post again. I was so annoyed I actually turned on my computer to write a comment that has a chance of actually getting posted.

What I originally said was that I always read every post, even though I rarely comment. (Or the internet om noms my comment.) I said something about blogging and feeling weird and writing about weird feelings on blogs. It was profound. You'll just have to take my word for it, because I can't remember it anymore. :(

Jamie said...

And the comment I tried to add under the post about the naming of Henrietta Plum was even more amazing. No wonder the internet thought it looked so tasty.

Annie said...

You are brave. I'm too scared to write about how I really feel most of the time. I read every post you write and I'll try to comment more.

Your sister's quote sounds like Yoda: Do, or do not. There is no try.
(It is official-I'm a mega-nerd.)

Reba said...

You're on my reader already. :)

AM said...

I read! Keep it up. :)

Deja said...

My friends, I like you all very much. Thank you for reading.

Heather, that's fascinating that you feel closer to people through their writing. I think I'm that way, too. Very long emails between Sam and me are sometimes the only way we stay friends.... Thank you for sharing that post, too! I think a few people are going to send in their stories, which makes me so so happy.

Annie, I wish for more posts from you. I love your brain.

And Jamie, I assume everything you think/write is profound.

Amara said...

I check in when I can, but then I catch up! So keep going! I have a lot of "stuff" right now. It makes me want to get back on the horse too with the blog. Oh well.

belann said...

Keep posting. Good for all of us.

Terry said...

Fortunately, Blogger allows following, so I see your posts as emails. That is lazy, but easier.

Each post is a pleasure. Thank you.

See Mack Snow said...

Keep blogging. Pretty please. I want to point out that in the last year and a half, I have completely quit reading blogs. Not because I don't like them anymore, but life changed and eventually I just sort of forgot about them. Including my own, which distresses me. So a few months ago, I suddenly remembered blogs...well, only your blog, actually, and I find that I am inclined to read yours and very few others. Your writing refreshes me and makes me think deeply about things in a way that for the last little while I have been forgetting to do. Thank you for helping me remember to think. :)

See Mack Snow said...

Keep blogging. Pretty please. I want to point out that in the last year and a half, I have completely quit reading blogs. Not because I don't like them anymore, but life changed and eventually I just sort of forgot about them. Including my own, which distresses me. So a few months ago, I suddenly remembered blogs...well, only your blog, actually, and I find that I am inclined to read yours and very few others. Your writing refreshes me and makes me think deeply about things in a way that for the last little while I have been forgetting to do. Thank you for helping me remember to think. :)