Thursday, March 7, 2013

Chasing My Own Tail

Today, all day, I felt like I was chasing my own tail. The baby was up at seven, and I changed her, and we played, and then the electrician showed up during breakfast. I took him up to the master bathroom while carrying the baby, and still wearing my pajamas. And really the whole day was like that. I kept waiting for the baby to nap so I could get cleaned up, but she napped basically while I was feeding her, and then she was up again, wide-eyed and happy and increasingly wiggly.

Sam's mom is in town, so she's helping us paint and get a whole list of things done on the house. So I took her to the paint store, and Sam had to pick his cat up from the vet, and I was trying to get to Target for more diapers, and also trying to write something and get some freelance work done, and to trying to re-make the rugs I made for the nursery into something decent. And Sam's mom was painting an accent wall in the nursery "Eros Pink," and the plumber came, and the baby learned, officially, how to roll over back to front and front to back, and I made lunch, and I got stuck in traffic, and I had a long conversation with one of my sisters, and I thought a lot about how badly the stairs needed vacuuming.

There's an astonishing amount of variety to my days now, and also, in a way, it can feel like there's no variety at all. I can feel like I felt today: rather scattered, and overly ambitious about the most mundane things, and like I'm running in a circle, since there's so much going on. I haven't learned yet how to even begin to think about balance, how to let the things that don't matter go, and focus on what does.

Do you know how to do that? Can you tell me what you know?


8 comments:

eden said...

i love reading my sister's blog for that reason. she'll post about how she had great plans for the day, and then considered it an accomplishment when the little girls got cupcakes for dinner before going to sleep. (:

i love how she's such a low maintenance mother (with 7 kids you kinda have to be). so you could read her blog a little? i find it entertaining. - bethcallister.com

Deja said...

Eden, her blog looks awesome!! I'm sure she can help. :) Thank you, my friend.

eden said...

happy to share! (:

also, remember she's had 14 years of practice... you're doing great, and you'll just keep getting better. (:

faith said...

That's one of my favorite blogs, too. :)
I was going to suggest lots of "rational self-talk." It's a term I got from my mom and it's just what it sounds like. It's helpful to get you thinking in different ways. Like telling yourself to not worry about the messes; they're not going anywhere and will be there when you have time for them.

Deja said...

thanks, eddie. good point. i'm sure i'll be a pro after 14 years. :)

faith, i'm always working on my rational self talk. been trying to get better about that for years, and i do think i'm improving ... slowly. i think i'm wondering more about strategy here. like, how does my rational self-talker decide which things matter most? there's SO much variety, so many things tugging on me, that i can do things all day and feel like i've done nothing. i mean, i guess the only thing that's every really helped me in that regard is prayer, so i probably have my answer. and, like eden said, i think i'll get better at knowing what to pay attention to with time. but, sigh. it's exhausting to have days like that one.

belann said...

Problem is, it all kinda matters. So, you just do the best you can chasing your tail, and soon those wonderful days are over.

Elise said...

No. I don't have it figured out. But when you do, let me know. I could use some balance. :)

Amara said...

I think I've officially given up on trying to get it figured out. In grad school I learned the term "putting out fires" (late hearing that one) and I feel like it's a good description of most of my life. Just put out the one with the biggest, most dangerous flames first, but sometimes you still pick the wrong ones to put out. You can't see everything and....THAT'S where I need God. Sounds like I'm trivializing his help, but I'm not --it's really my whole life that's like that.