None of Us are Spared

-
I'm beginning to think none of us are spared worrying over our bodies, thinking they're not good enough, destroying ourselves over this and that about them when there are other things we can and would like to think about. (Do you know anyone who is spared? Do such creatures exist?) Thank you for reading and responding to my post about it. Just before I hit publish, I worried it wasn't as universal as I thought, that this time I was really exposing myself. And as I read your comments, part of me was glad I wasn't the only one, and the other part of me was thinking, "You, too? You worry about your body?"

It reminds me of a moment in the women's meeting at church (Relief Society) a few years ago, when this gorgeous woman stood up to talk about how plagued she was by self-deprecating thoughts, how she never felt good enough or clever enough or pretty enough, and what she was doing to work on it. And I remember sitting there thinking, "You? If you don't feel good about yourself, I am totally screwed." But pretty quickly I realized that if they were so clearly lies when they applied to her, they surely must be lies when applied to myself. I've never felt so sure that it was all nonsense.

This essay is, I think, one of the most beautiful responses to the nonsense that I've ever heard.

One more thought. A friend wrote me today to thank me for the post, and she said this incredibly apt thing:  "I don't have those thoughts because I AM fat or ugly or awkward. But because my brain is confused about what is important, real, or worth thinking about." 

Isn't that the just well-said? I hope to remember it next time I begin spiraling.

Comments

belann said…
Not sure any women are spared, but I kind of think some men are. I don't think your dad worries much about it. He seems pretty comfortable in his own skin.
March 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
MaryAnne said…
I think being honest about it is the first step to getting over it. But it really does seem pretty universal, and that's a shame. I find that, seeing my own physical quirks in my kids and how cute my kids are WITH those quirks helps.
March 20, 2013 at 9:49 PM
Anonymous said…
The essay you posted -- oh how I needed that, and it's been five years since I've given birth. Thank you.
March 27, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Anonymous said…
The essay you posted -- oh how I needed that, and it's been five years since I've given birth. Thank you.
March 27, 2013 at 9:32 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Spider Fight Continues

-
I'm sorry to be so unposty lately. I hope to be back to my usual self before too long. In the meantime, I have a couple of requests. This thing with my job has taken an interesting turn, one that is calling for my being a bit more careful. I hope you can help. Request 1: If you have a link to my blog on your blog (or anywhere), will you make sure that it doesn't list my last name? I'm particularly worried about my married name, as this is what I go by at work. If you could just keep me as Deja, that would be excellent. Request 2: I hate to do it, because it makes me kind of sad when other people do it, but I need to go private for awhile. Please, PLEASE, leave me a comment if you'd like to still read. Sometimes when people go private I'm too sheepish to ask to be added. Please don't be sheepish. Leave your email address here or shoot me an email as soon as you can. I want to get this privatized in the next few days. Thanks for your help. Maybe when I'm priv...
Read more

As She Tried Out All of Her Sounds

-
Image
Conference napping, starting young. Every six months, Mormons listen to what we call General Conference , which means, theoretically, all 14 million of us gather and listen to talks by church leadership. There's a physical meeting in Salt Lake, and the rest of us watch it in our chapels and, increasingly, over the Internet on our various devices. It's four 2-hour sessions (with a bonus session for men), and it fills up the weekend. Six months ago, I was literally two days away from having a baby, and let's face it, I slept through most of it, despite my efforts to stay awake. I'd sit down for a moment, pull it up on my iPad, and immediately zonk out. I got some really solid sleep in during those conference sessions, and I don't begrudge my former self a bit of it. Today, with my baby on the outside, I didn't nap, though she got a pretty solid one in (see above). During the first part, I deep-cleaned my bathroom (party!) while she played with her baby do...
Read more

Color Me Clueless

-
Someone should explain what it means to match, because I thought it was about matching similar colors or like black/red, blue/white--obvious pairs--but lately I see girls wearing purple shoes with yellow blouses and green patterned headbands and it's so pretty but I never feel brave or smart enough to do it myself. Color stresses me out, in part because I love it so much, and I want to "get it."  Once, in a most wonderful store called Accessorize in London, I was trying to find something to match an outfit I had bought that was all about brown.  And I was looking at a brown necklace, thinking I would get it, when I asked the sales lady and she said, in her perfect London accent, "No, no.  That's far too obvious."  Oh.  She helped me pick out something with green--green with reddish-brown flecks, and it was much better. And I won't even talk about how I used to wear a purple shirt, plus a purple collared shirt, plus a purple sweater, PLUS a purple ...
Read more